The True Bohemian Revolutionary (weemumlessmngrl) wrote in survivedsuicide,
The True Bohemian Revolutionary
weemumlessmngrl
survivedsuicide

Cut, might trigger.



So, I was sitting here, playing on the internet, and I got an IM from my ex-boyfriend.

Apparently he went out behind his work today to the storage building and found a man in a car, bent over with a shotgun between his knees and his chin to it.. a bit too late. Says it was the most horrible thing he's ever seen. And he came to me to talk about it, since, well, my dad was found the same way.

I feel for him, I really do. To this day.. over three years later, I can still remember how my dad looked. Shot gun to the head is not pretty.

I told him that I felt for him, and that he could talk to me about if it he wanted. Told him I knew how he felt. He replied "Your's was worse", and I told him that yes, it was, but that I could still feel for him.

In a way, I don't know what to think about that. Should I be offended that he found a man who committed suicide and his first thought was "Let's go tell this to Meli, who will instantly fall into a puddle of tears over her dad for how it triggers her?" Or should I be touched that he went to me, knowing I knew how he felt, and feeling like I was the only one who could level with him about it?

And then, ontop of it all, it fucking pisses me off that people go off and do that. Commit suicide. (As you can tell, Meli is still stuck in anger stage of grief) That guy decided that his life wasn't worth living and not only did he take himself away from people that loved him, but he did it to where some innocent person would find him.. nameless, faceless, and it would ruin the rest of their life. You just dont' get over seen someone who's head has exploded. You don't. You have nightmares over it, you can't get it out of your head.

God.
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